Day 7

Seven days...seven days passed....only seven days....

It feels longer..I feel like you havent been here, in my life for years..yet it still hurts like it did that day.

I try..I still try...but I dont know what else to do...so I have decided...day seven ...will be the last day I write about this process...I think it doesnt help me ...I think it makes it worse.

So, since this will be the last time I write like this...I will do it as if I were writing you an email...letting you know how its been ....letting you know how much you hurt ...letting you know how much I love you. An email that will never be sent..because You cant and wont, and because I cant and wont either.....here goes...

Hello there...

Its been seven days...without reading you, without you in my life. Its been hard, because I miss you. I know, it has been like nothing to you..of course, you never felt the way I do for you. Day in and day out I have been pondering on one question, and one question only and the answer, I think I found it, in your last email.

You said you cant and wont..offer the love I am looking for...why? I never asked you...because honestly I didnt want to sound like an obssessed woman looking for reasons, although, to you that is what I am...even if to me, the fact that I stop myself from running back to you, the fact that I am letting you be happy..even if its without me in your life, the fact that I am letting you be.... proves different.

Why? Tell me, why? I need to hear it from you, although I think I already know...there is only one reason a man cant and wont offer something...I just wish you would have told me before. Although you never clearly said yes...you never said no either...I should have known...I should have realized then ....

All I want for is your hapiness..and you have left very clear that you are...that happiness is in your life. I just wish I can one day find, my happiness. That one day I can look back and laugh at this whole thing. Deep down inside, I want this not to be love...I want this to be something else...only time will tell if it is or not...but for now...all I know is that I love you...and I cant stop.

Besides your cants and wonts......knowing that I cant see you only as a friend, knowing the my I love you's bother you stop me...I dont want to be a bother to you...so that is why I cant come back to you. I cant be what you want me to be...I can only be what I am...which is a woman in love with you. I apologize for this. I apologize for coming into your life...If I could go back..I would have never done so, not because I regret meeting you, but to spare you from the inconvinience of knowing me

As I did last time..I wish you the very best in the world...hopefully life will continue to bless you with all that you have....and then some...be well my love....

Yours Always...Karla.

*sigh*

This is it...I am letting you go...I am shutting my door..I will leave it unlocked..even knowing that you will never be back....but it is there...in case you feel like walking through it...

Goodbye my love...be well...

....chelitta