Why does a broken heart hurt so much?... To clarify, anyone can break your heart, your mother/father/family with a painful truth, a best friend, a lover, a boyfriend, your children... It doesn't matter who does it, they (heartbreaks) all hurt alike...
Why do we do things "out of character" when we have a broken heart? .. from drinking more than usual... drastically changing our hair, saying yes when we would usually say no... etc? ... Maybe its to fill the void? Ease the pain? Get back at the person that broke us? Why?
Why do we put people on pedestals? Why do we trust them with everything? Why do we lose ourselves? Why do they let us trust them, if they know they are capable of hurting us? Why do they hurt us if we are incapable of hurting them? Is it to feed their ego?.. To fill a void and after they have "used" us, they move on? Why don't they realize the damage they will do, before they do it?
Why so we keep hope? Why are we willing to forgive? Why do we forgive? ... Even after everything, we forget the hurt that they have caused and act like nothing.. hoping everything will be OK. Why do we do we fail to realize that nothing will be the same again. Ever. Damage is done, the wound has been made, it's slow to heal and leaves an ugly scar, that time can not erase.
Why aren't we able to stop loving/caring as soon as our heart is broken? Why can't there be a natural reaction to protect us from that hurt? Why does our body react, as if it is being attacked by some deadly virus? .. Why do we feel like we are about to die? Why do we lose that will to live?...
Why can't we be like those that hurt us? Why can't we just move on like they do? Why does our heart keep bleeding love when theirs is made of ice?.. Just Why? ..
... chelitta
Monday, May 25, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Something never done...
It's funny, how you learn through other people... its also funny how you get your answers by helping other people...
A few days ago, someone asked me if they could ask me a question. Usually I am Ok with people asking, but for some reason I was hesitant, so I kinda of said "yes" but with a "if you have to" tone... The question, caught me off guard, not because of the question itself, but because of what it was doing, it was forcing me to realize something I didn't want to...
She asked.. Have you ever been hurt, by someone you never expected to hurt you, and if so, did you ever trust that person again in the same way, if not, what could they do to gain your trust again? .. Well.. it just so happens that I am going through that right now, only that I didn't really want to realize it... but that's a story I unfortunately can't share... so lets continue...
I looked at her, took a deep breath and said, I don't know, I think so... as the convo evolved I realized that in fact I have been... and its something that I have actually never been through before, only because, I actually never expected the person to actually hurt me, with other people I had actually had my guard up at all times, yes I would let it down but only to a point, I would wait for the day they failed, and yes they failed, but with this particular person, I let it all down.. ALL OF IT!!! ... and that was my mistake and only mine, I believed, I allowed myself to, I trusted when I shouldn't have, I thought them different, and they are, they just hurt in a different manner too, but they still hurt...
We both came to the conclusion that we had allowed ourselves to trust that person for the same reason. We thought they were different... they treated us different, they did things that made us believe they were, it took them time but they gained our trust, all of it... and just as they did that.. they did what we never thought they would do... they hurt us. Of course there is one big difference in our cases... hers was a romantic relationship, mine purely platonic... the pain, I concluded was the same. Trust is trust and hurt is hurt.
So to the next part of the question, if they wanted to regain what they stupidly lost, What can they do, and would we be able to trust them as we once did? .. To answer her question, I needed to know more, and as she told me more, I noticed various similarities between our offenders... between glances, deep sighs, and the comings and goings of a work day, when we finally had another chance to talk... I said "have him do something he has never done before, for you or anyone, something that you know took him a lot of effort and got him out of his comfort zone"... I shrugged and said that's the only thing I can think of, If he really wants to have what he had before, he has to earn it back and be twice as hard...
Then I realized something, she was asking me because the person had asked her, he wanted to mend things, not so in my case... which hurt me... but honestly I couldn't let that interfere with anything, she was asking me for her, the fact that I came to conclusions based on her experience meant nothing...anyway...eventually she agreed, it was the only way... not asking him of course to throw himself off a bridge, but just something that he never saw himself doing for someone, but was willing to do it for her... cuz she was worth it.
I still don't know how any of that turned out, I am not a nosy person and don't want to ask her, but the light in her eyes is back.. so I can only imagine that something positive came out of it... Well two actually. I learned, that I have changed. I am no longer that person that gets fucked over and forgives and acts like nothing happened. I learned that once wounded I can build up my walls faster than I used to...that I can forget all of the things that once made me smile and remind myself that I was wounded... and that it is most likely going to happen again if I let it....
I learned that I despite anything... any other feeling, love, appreciation, respect, admiration etc. fear is much stronger...The fear to once again be hurt, the fear of crying because I cant understand how someone can hurt someone else like nothing.. the fear of realizing that I mean nothing to someone when they mean so much to me...all of that ..plus so much more ... is stronger, and unconsciously changes me... because... whereas before I expected nothing... I now expect to be hurt...and that ...can put an end to many things...
My trust is worth so much ... and it was broken... I don't know if the person realizes this or not, I don't know if they are aware of what they have lost... though I am going to guess that they don't care... because if they had, they would have never risked losing it... I don't believe in second chances... but if they were to ask for one... they would have to be willing to do .. something never done...
.... chelitta
A few days ago, someone asked me if they could ask me a question. Usually I am Ok with people asking, but for some reason I was hesitant, so I kinda of said "yes" but with a "if you have to" tone... The question, caught me off guard, not because of the question itself, but because of what it was doing, it was forcing me to realize something I didn't want to...
She asked.. Have you ever been hurt, by someone you never expected to hurt you, and if so, did you ever trust that person again in the same way, if not, what could they do to gain your trust again? .. Well.. it just so happens that I am going through that right now, only that I didn't really want to realize it... but that's a story I unfortunately can't share... so lets continue...
I looked at her, took a deep breath and said, I don't know, I think so... as the convo evolved I realized that in fact I have been... and its something that I have actually never been through before, only because, I actually never expected the person to actually hurt me, with other people I had actually had my guard up at all times, yes I would let it down but only to a point, I would wait for the day they failed, and yes they failed, but with this particular person, I let it all down.. ALL OF IT!!! ... and that was my mistake and only mine, I believed, I allowed myself to, I trusted when I shouldn't have, I thought them different, and they are, they just hurt in a different manner too, but they still hurt...
We both came to the conclusion that we had allowed ourselves to trust that person for the same reason. We thought they were different... they treated us different, they did things that made us believe they were, it took them time but they gained our trust, all of it... and just as they did that.. they did what we never thought they would do... they hurt us. Of course there is one big difference in our cases... hers was a romantic relationship, mine purely platonic... the pain, I concluded was the same. Trust is trust and hurt is hurt.
So to the next part of the question, if they wanted to regain what they stupidly lost, What can they do, and would we be able to trust them as we once did? .. To answer her question, I needed to know more, and as she told me more, I noticed various similarities between our offenders... between glances, deep sighs, and the comings and goings of a work day, when we finally had another chance to talk... I said "have him do something he has never done before, for you or anyone, something that you know took him a lot of effort and got him out of his comfort zone"... I shrugged and said that's the only thing I can think of, If he really wants to have what he had before, he has to earn it back and be twice as hard...
Then I realized something, she was asking me because the person had asked her, he wanted to mend things, not so in my case... which hurt me... but honestly I couldn't let that interfere with anything, she was asking me for her, the fact that I came to conclusions based on her experience meant nothing...anyway...eventually she agreed, it was the only way... not asking him of course to throw himself off a bridge, but just something that he never saw himself doing for someone, but was willing to do it for her... cuz she was worth it.
I still don't know how any of that turned out, I am not a nosy person and don't want to ask her, but the light in her eyes is back.. so I can only imagine that something positive came out of it... Well two actually. I learned, that I have changed. I am no longer that person that gets fucked over and forgives and acts like nothing happened. I learned that once wounded I can build up my walls faster than I used to...that I can forget all of the things that once made me smile and remind myself that I was wounded... and that it is most likely going to happen again if I let it....
I learned that I despite anything... any other feeling, love, appreciation, respect, admiration etc. fear is much stronger...The fear to once again be hurt, the fear of crying because I cant understand how someone can hurt someone else like nothing.. the fear of realizing that I mean nothing to someone when they mean so much to me...all of that ..plus so much more ... is stronger, and unconsciously changes me... because... whereas before I expected nothing... I now expect to be hurt...and that ...can put an end to many things...
My trust is worth so much ... and it was broken... I don't know if the person realizes this or not, I don't know if they are aware of what they have lost... though I am going to guess that they don't care... because if they had, they would have never risked losing it... I don't believe in second chances... but if they were to ask for one... they would have to be willing to do .. something never done...
.... chelitta
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