Who and what I am....
- I am an emotional being, and that's OK. I perceive others feelings and they transfer to me, I have learned that while this is an awesome and useful "gift" it can also bring me down. I have learned that I can control that, MY emotions do not depend on anyone else but my own. I bleed love, and that's OK. It is also OK that others are not this way. They may feel intimidated by my emotions, but that is something THEY have to work on and not me. I can not and will not change who/what I am to adapt to them, nor should they do it to adapt to me.
- I am worthy of being loved and desired just as I am. I don't need to change anything about myself (inside or out) to please anyone. People that want to be a part of my life should accept me as I am, they shouldn't want me to be different. To someone, I am the right size, height, shape, and have the personality they are compatible with. If I decide to change, it should be to make MYSELF happy.
- I am responsible for my own happiness. I control my life and what I let get to me. Nobody can make me feel/do anything unless they have my permission and I haven't given it to anyone.
- I am "binary" and that is more than OK. I don't see the 50 + shades of grey that someone else sees, but that doesn't make me wrong, nor does it make them right. Everyone is entitled to their point of view. If they don't like it, then it is their problem, not mine. They have to either fix it, or leave it, but not expect me to accept it, just as I don't have to accept their ways. This doesn't mean we can't get along, it just means that in some things, we will never agree on, and that's OK.
- I am the best mother I can be. I am learning as I go, and have learned and continue to learn from my mistakes. Nobody is a perfect mother. Nobody has a right to say I am doing a bad job as a mother because they don't know my life.
- I am important and should be treated as such. There is a difference between "being busy" and not making time. People that realize your worth will make time in their busiest moments, people that take you for granted, make excuses. How do I know? Because I am the kind of person that makes time for those she cares about and know it can be done,.There are of course exceptions but they are rare. I will no longer "settle" or compete for peoples time. If I feel I am being taken for granted, I can choose to remove myself from that and I owe no explanation. It is not my problem if people do not acknowledge my worth, nor is it my job to make them realize it. I am as important as they are and deserve the same attention they receive from me.
- I am strong. I have been through a lot and I am still here.
- I know what I want. It doesnt matter if to someone else it seems I don't. It is their problem if they think that. I can not control their thought process, nor is it my responsibility to convince them.
Who and what I am NOT...
- I am not an attention seeker. If I use social media as my outlet to vent, that is my way to get my feelings out and does not in no way make me an attention seeker. I do not expect to be read, listened to nor felt sorry for. However, I can not control what others think of me. If they choose to think that of me, it is not my problem and I don't have to do or say anything to prove otherwise.
- I am not a cold hearted bitch, nor do I want to be. I cant and wont make someone feel inferior, unworthy or unimportant when they are. I won't hide my feelings to avoid making someone uncomfortable. It is OK to feel. It is OK to show your emotions because nobody can hurt you unless you let them, and being emotional is not the same as being weak. Even the coldest of hearts has a melting point.
- I am not a people person and that's OK. I don't have to like or be liked by anyone. I do not care what others or how others think of me. I can not control their thoughts. If I am not liked that's fine, if I am liked that's fine too, but that does not under any circumstances obligate me to feel the same towards them.
- I am not conceited. I am far from that. I am aware of my flaws and I am OK with them, finally. If I post a pic of me in a "sexy" pose or the like, I am not doing it for compliments, I am doing it because I feel like it, because *I* think I look pretty or *I* feel pretty. There is a difference between a "tell me im pretty" attitude and a "look, I am feeling pretty and happy today" attitude, I am the latter.
- I do not think I am better than anyone, nor do I think anyone is better than me. We are all the same. We all have the same potential to be whatever it is we want. Yes, some have it easier than others but that does not make them better, nor does having an education, money etc make me better than anyone. I am the waiters, homeless, beggar, stripper, prostitutes equal. Thinking otherwise would make me part of the problem and I choose to be part of the solution.
- I am not prettier, sexier, smarter than any other woman in the universe. We are all liked by different people. What one person thinks is sexy, another won't. I am not competing for anyone. There are plenty of men that think I am all that and a bag of chips.
Who and what I want to be...
- Confident. I am a work in progress. I want to one day be able to look at myself and 100% of the time know I am pretty.
- Happy. I am 75% there, I need to find my balance and accept things better, and stop myself from going under.
- Trusting, not of people but of myself. I am capable of anything and everything I want. I have to learn to trust myself.
- Accepting of compliments. People mean well, and it is not their fault I may not see what they see.
- Fearless of someone's touch. What happened to me is not their fault. My insecurities and concerns have nothing to do with them and they should not be held responsible for them. I can not anticipate not liking someones touch, just because. It is OK to be touched and like it.
- I want to be someone that turns their needs into their wants.
There is plenty more I learned .... but this is the short version. I am content with myself and pround I found this balance and the peace I so desperately needed... everyone deserves to find themselves... I set out to look for me... and I found her...
....chelitta
