Do I ever cross your mind?

Yes, its a song by Brian Mcknight or however you spell it. That song popped into my head because, I actually had that thought today.  I thought, if I ever crossed his mind. If at any point during his day, the thought of me popped into his head. If his lips longed mine.. then I remember he is probably already entertained by someone. It hurts. However, it is life. People come and people go. He left. When I needed him most. He left. Does it hurt? Of course it does. This man, was the first person in over 7 yrs who I can say I gave my heart, body and soul to.

Sad isn't it? How for many years I asked for love. How I asked not to be alone anymore. Then I found someone, only to be hurt again. Only to taste what it is to be loved, what it was to have someone. That is now gone. He is gone. Here I am. Alone.

But everything will be fine. Isn't it always? It only took me 7 years to get the courage to date again, only to be hurt. Not like I have that  time anymore. I don't even have my Angel to help me through this time. I should've remained still. Funny what fear makes you do.

I still wear the necklace. I am not ready to take it off. I need to be strong. For me, for my daughter. I am love. I have always been love and that is my problem. Would I choose to be something else, cold for example, if I had the opportunity. Sometimes I say, I wish I were cold, but if I had a real opportunity, would I choose to be cold? I honestly don't know. Probably not. I ave always said that I prefer to die, before I withhold love from someone. That I will never hold back an I love you, even if that means being a fool. I couldn't do it. I do wish, I wouldn't hurt like I do though...but that just means I am alive.

I love him. I doubt that he knows or even realizes how much I love him. I doubt that he will ever appreciate what he had. I doubt that he will ever understand what he meant to me. Now... he will turn into a memory. He will be the man I loved after 7 years. The man I risked everything for.

Yes...you will always cross my mind. for so many reasons....