It was pretty much this way for a year...then my ambitions in life and his conformity clashed...and it just went downhill from there. I really don't think its fair for me to sit here and bash him y decir todo lo malo de el ...its not me..and there are some things that will remain "behind closed doors". Lets just leave it at ...between him and I there is NOTHING...not even a friendship to hold on to.
So by mutual agreement, the relationship remains open, we are both allowed to do whatever we want, as long as OUR daughter is taken care of and it does not interfere with anything pertaining to "the home".
I have always wanted to feel loved, my relationship with my mother isn't and never has been good, I always sought her approval and to me I have never nor will ever meet her expectations. So I lived my life trying to fill that "void" in life with anything and anyone. I married early because I thought that if I didn't I would be alone for the rest of my life...and yet here I am lonelier than ever...
And so ..the search for "the one" has begun...and believe me I have been looking desperately for him ...I need him, I want him ...yet I know that if I ever find him ...I have nothing to offer him but my love...I cannot marry him, I cannot make plans with him for any type of future...which just makes me feel worse...
I started looking for men in "similar" situations...but at the end of the day it was mostly about the lack of intimacy for them, I on the other hand am seeking something else, I want a companion, someone I can talk to, cry with, laugh with where the sex isn't the main course but a pleasant desert. I know ..its complicated..but my standards have been set..and unlike previously ..this time...I will NOT settle for anything less....thus..i am still looking for...THE ONE....chelitta
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