Decisions

 Life is never simple, it cant ever be black and white, it is filled with one too many colors as far as I'm concerend. That saying, you cant have the cake and eat it too....so true, well at least for me.

I cant have you, thats a fact that in the past couple of days I have embraced. There are too many obstacles to overcome and I am much to drained to take them on, if anything were to happen.

As life should have it, there is always something in the road that makes everthing even more complicated. In this case a someone, from a time in my life that is such a blurr, yet his presence made a huge difference in it.

He has come back, and wants to take me away. He wants to take me to a place that is still behind in times as far as my advanced intellectual state is concerned, but has everything to offer. He wants to take me where he can make me his "queen" and where my daughter will have a life of a "princess". Now a days, this life that is "waiting" for me, is what any woman would want and envy.

Yet I dont...because what I want, lies much closer than half a world away...but what I want doesnt want me back...and I am tired of sitting around and waiting, wanting and wishing...and so here I am 4 days away from the day I must give an answer...and though I know that the best is for me to say YES...my brain is pulling me to say NO...

So I am ...stuck between being unhappy and with nothing thinking of the what ifs that could have been, or being unhappy with everything that money can buy, still thinking of the what if that could have been. Money can put a smile on your physcial face, but not on the face of your soul.

 What I really want, is something that will fill my soul with infinite smiles, something his money can't buy....because what I want and NEED ...is YOU.

...chelitta