Serious Decision...

So, as many of you know, I have been dealing with my weight and my PCOS forever. I have been on almost every diet there's been, and tried everything under the sun. It works, for like 1-2 months and then my weight seems to go back up, or I lose motivation, or my own body prevents me from going on.

For example, my latest try, around this time last year, was going phenomenal... I was losing weight getting toned and even liking the healthy eating. Unfortunately, I started having heart issues, then school wore me out and I just stopped completely. I kept with the healthy eating but guess what?... I gained every single ounce back .. plus some. Needless to say I am so disappointed I just gave up. So I consulted with my MD and she said that I may actually qualify for weight loss surgery. I have been referred to a specialist and my appointment is on Friday.

I am nervous and hesitant. I understand that this is a high risk surgery and that I will have to change my eating habits even more. I was looking on their website and find that I probably have some time before the surgery actually does happen, as there are so many "pre-reqs" I have to meet before anything happens. I have to have at least 6 months of documented weight loss attempts.. which unfortunately I don't. All this for insurance purposes. I know I will definitely qualify because of my health history but insurance companies nowadays think we find the easy way out.

I used to think that people that had the surgery were taking the easy way. Truth is, its not easy at all. Like I said, I have done and tried everything. I need help. Its not just "controlling" myself. Its more, my body works against itself. People need to understand that. I wish there was more awareness about PCOS. Maybe more people would understand that maybe the woman walking down the street, is trying the best she can, she is starving herself, and yet it seems that even drinking water makes her gain weight. That's me. That's my story.

I am hesitant still. Since I have to have documented proof, I will start on August 1st again. Hopefully this time my body cooperates. Maybe I will take it even more easy and won't do too much too soon. Hopefully I don't lose motivation this time. I really don't want to have the surgery, but I am tired of being fat. I can not embrace a body I do not like. There is nothing to like about it. Deep inside I feel this isn't my body.

Blogging my progress will help me keep track of what I am eating. I will post weekly, pix and weight and maybe measurements. Daily I will post my intake and whatever I did to work out and how I feel. Hopefully this will inspire some and you will join me in my struggles. Especially women battling PCOS.

So.. See you guys on August 1st!!!

...chelitta