Spiritual Awakening ...

The above pic.. is the latest addition to my body art. Yes. That's right. I did it. with out regrets. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. There is a deep spiritual meaning behind it, which I will get into...

Let's start with the "Om" or "Aum": according to the internet and some other people I talked to prior to this whole thing "Om" can be described as "one of the most important spiritual symbols (pratima), It refers to Atman (soul, self within) and Brahman (ultimate reality, entirety of the universe, truth, divine, supreme spirit, cosmic principles, knowledge)" Also, the sound is associated with the primordial sound associated with the creation of universe from nothing.

So. In short, I am Om. I am a part of the universe. I am searching within myself for my answers. For my balance. For the true me. So yes, it has a meaning, it has a purpose. To remind me of the time when I died. Completely. To remind me of the day my soul was left in the dark, and could not find itself...to stop me, from engaging in any thing that might send me back here. When I see the Om I will be reminded of the greatness that is in me. That I have a purpose and that I will not allow anyone to hurt me. 

Now, the Lotus flower. Confucius said “I have a love for the Lotus, while growing in mud it still remains unstained."  This is what I found around the internet: "the heart of the Lotus is considered to be purist and people need to strive to be like the opened flower and be of good heart; the soul is also considered to be within the heart of the Lotus. Furthermore, in Hinduism the Lotus flower is representative of how a person can become awakened to the spiritual reality."

So, its a flower that despite living in muddy waters, is beautiful. Its a reminder of who and what I want to be. Beautiful, inside and out. I will be that. I will be that even if it takes me forever. Even if I die trying. I will be one. it will remind me, that despite being in a dark place, I can rise above it and shine. 

This is where I am now. In the mud. In the darkness. Maybe I did this out of anger, out of hurt, on an impulse, however, I do not regret it. I had wanted it for some time. I wasn't the right time. Now it was. This was my opportunity. I did it. I know for many, marking ones skin is not looked well upon. Well, I am done being what other people want. I am done thinking I can please everyone but myself, I am done. 

If this will stop me from meeting God, again, because some religions say so, then I want nothing to do with their religion, or if God truly will turn his back on me because I adorned my body, then maybe I don't want to meet that God again. The bible says: "Present your bodies a sacrifice living, holy, acceptable to God, a sacred service with your power of reason.” (Romans 12:1). Well, when you prepare your house for guests, you clean it and buy flowers and make it look pretty. The fact that I have ink does not make me any less "holy" nor are people that don't have them holier than I. God is not a religion.

I am broken. I am in spiritual and emotional despair. Where will all this take me? Fuck if I know. All I know is that I am where I didn't want to be again... I AM DEAD...and looking for my spiritual awakening...