Ventings and nothings

Well here I am again.... a tad disillusioned... a tad confused... and why not... hella hurt, my own doing but still, hurts.

This online thing isn't working out for me but, what am I going to do? ... I don't have time to go out. Though there are a lot of speed dating events that I could attend and they are not that expensive as I thought they would be. So maybe, I will start going to those, though they make me nervous, but the online thing seriously sucks.

People try to be all sweet with you, and say things and do things they don't really mean. They make you think things that are not so. They tell you they are romantic, that they are looking for a mate, but then totally change once you start getting comfortable with them. Why would someone take their time to court you, only to run from you after?

Why, if you were honest of your intentions from the beginning did they seem OK with it? Honesty. You give them honesty and they give you deception.  They give you lies. They give you satisfaction, in ways you haven't been satisfied before. They make you get used to them, so much that their absence affects you. How do they do that? It happens, time and time again. It happens. It hurts, your ego, your soul, your heart or whatever it is that was in it.

I remember, when I used to be able to do that, and I still thought I could. Guess I was wrong... guess I learned my lesson. Not to play with fire, cuz it burns. Lesson learned universe ... lesson learned...

So, back to square one. Back to square one.. or maybe not.. I don't know. For now I will just exist, live this out, hurt the hurt, fix the broken, get up, dust myself off, and walk with my head held high, smile and eventually laugh at this. Look back and laugh...

...chelitta