Random

It has been a while...and I apologize to my faithful followers...3 of you...one which whom i still don't know who it is ....but i guess you find me interesting enough to keep following me..

Its just that I guess..I don't know..I have become more or less a robot..and I am beginning to think that I may not ever be happy and sadly ...I am ok with that...and don't get me wrong. Its not that my happiness depends on someone else, its just that, I have everything but someone. I have a wonderful daughter, I have a job that pays my bills, I have friends that love me and I appreciate them, but I want my happily ever after. I want to grow old with someone, I want to go places with someone, someone that I can cuddle with, turn around and know that they will be there. I don't want to die and not have experienced love, like its really meant.

I look around me and see people that are much more awful than what I am or have been, living the life I want. I just wonder, day in and day out what is it that I am paying, why has life been so bad in this sense to me...it has given me everything I can ask for..except what I really want.

Maybe I am meant to be alone. Maybe there is no one out there for me. Maybe I am just a random soul that has no purpose but to take up space. Maybe my tears are fuel to some type of mythical being that lives off of peoples sorrows and that is my only purpose..to feed it...

*sigh*

I am 31 years old (almost) and I can safely say, without knowing the future, that this has been the saddest year of my entire life...I do not think I can ever be any more sad than what I am right now...

....chelitta