Love & Sex

Is there a difference?

Many would argue that yes there is a difference, between "making love" and having sex. Sometimes I wish they would enlighten me, because I have come to the conclusion that in all my 14 years of being sexually active, I have never "made love". I might have been made love to, and that is still iffy, but to make love there has to be love from both ends right?

Is the feeling different? I mean seriously is it different, and what makes it different? I have so many questions that I never thought I would have, as I, according to my friends am well, and expert in the art of sex, which I don't even know how I feel about that.

Theoretically speaking, yeah I have been with many men, and ok, maybe have taught many of them new tricks but that alone doesn't make me an expert does it? And if it does, I rather be an expert in love making than sex. I have asked my friends, who claim have made love the difference. They cant seem to explain it. I asked is it slower, is it more fulfilling?  They seem not to have an answer.

Yes I have had the slow passionate sex before, the one where you spend countless minutes and even hours in the foreplay stage, and yes I have had the man want to look into my eyes when he climaxed, and that long passionate kiss afterward, but I have not been in love with these men. Then comes the question, if I have never been in love with these men, then why do I bed them?  I mean just typing out the question makes me feel weird.  Seriously why do I bed men I have no feeling what so ever for, and how can I do it so easily. I can use the I'm just that horny excuse for my younger years, but now?  How is it that I can contemplate having sex with someone just like that.  Is it to satisfy my need to be wanted, as opposed to physical need? Have I confused being wanted with being loved? Is it that I feel I have to give myself up like that just to be held?

I cant imagine how the act itself changes, or does it? does it become more intense, more exciting? what is the damn difference and what makes it so special, that it wraps people up and makes their face glow.

I feel I have so many questions and nobody to answer them, and it just leaves me with the feeling of wanting to experience it, making love, I want to make love, but at the same time, I know that it is impossible, because to make love you have to love the person you're with and he/she has to be in love with you, and I don't think I have it in me to love again. In fact I don't want to love again, nor do I want anyone to fall in love with me. Ok, maybe I do, but I honestly think this will never happen because I would be too afraid to, and i don't want anyone falling in love with me because that would just set them up for heartbreak, because I could never, or I would stop myself from loving them back...

*sigh*

truth is ...I am a "making love" virgin...and it looks like I will die a virgin....

Ironic...isn't it....

....chelitta