Day 1

Well being that I can't vent with the world...I will do it here...

So day 1 has come and gone...deep down inside I...wished that you wouldnt have pressed the button...but the sad fact is...you did...and with that ends...another sad chapter in the story which my life has turned into.

I cried, and will continue to cry for as long as you hurt. I can not pretend that it does not hurt and live my life like nothing happend. You dont deserve that....you deserve me not hating you...because you never lied, I will give you that..

Your letter was long, very long...hurtful...yes ...from the first word to the last...but there was one statement that hurt the most: "I cannot and will not" ....what a very powerful statement of self denial ever...no puedo ni debo...I wonder how many times you say that to yourself...

Sounds like something I tell myself day in and day out...I can not and will not cry, I can not and will not hurt, I can not and will not think of you ...the funny thing ..is that it doesnt work for me as much as it worked for you.....but then again I have only starting saying this to myself for a day....maybe if I say it as long as you have said it to yourself...it will start working.

So lets start...I can not and will not look for you, I can not and will not knock on your door...I can not and will not be selfish....I WILL let you be happy...

sadly...my heart says...it can not and will not stop loving you.....I guess it just likes to suffer...

.....chelitta