Nonsense ...

As I sit here...waiting for the Disney Parade... Watching my daughter sip her juice...her father just sitting there with nothing to say... I am unable to do anything else but think of how empty I am ... And feel.

It's been an interesting day. My daughter has enjoyed herself. She got on all the big kid rides so yes... She is growing fast.

I think...soon...she will be a tween/teen she will want nothing to do with me. So... I will be alone. .. and so

As I watch endless amount of couples... Holding hands, giving each other small kisses... exchanging sweet  looks of love. I want that. I wish I had that.

I want someone to want to hold my hand. I want someone to look at me with love and lust in their eyes. I want someone to talk endlessly about sweet nothings while waiting in line. I want him to lean forward and kiss me.  I want to feel happy, at the happiest place on earth. Not so miserable as I do now. 

I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel useless. I see some people and while they may not have a pretty face they have a nice body...or vice versa... However, life chose not to give me anything. I am not pretty in the face, body or otherwise, I am not even smart. Men don't look at me and think "I want to date/be with her". They most likely think,  that I will eat their food too.

So... I sit here... Smiling to each passerby especially those cute in love couples holding hands... Even when I'm dying inside...wanting some of what they have ... Thinking nonsense....