What I need vs. What I want...*

I was told a few days ago that I needed to be touched. That it was a basic human need and that I was depriving myself from it. Well... I was thinking... of the things I need and my mind started imagining things... If I were to have someone ... and I had to explain what I needed. It would probably go something like this...

I need you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it, like you have one chance and one chance only. Don't be afraid, just kiss me, because I long to be kissed. I need to be kissed. I need you to undress me slowly. I don't like to be rushed. Undress me one item at a time. I want to feel your skin against mine. Let me undress you. I need to touch you, I need to learn what you feel like. I need to feel your mouth on my breasts. I need to feel your fingers inside me. I need to feel your manhood with my hands. I need to feel your soft tongue on my clit. I need you to make me feel alive. I need you to look me in the eyes when you think I have drifted, because I need to find my way back to you. I need you to make me feel comfortable. I need you to make me want you inside me, every single inch of you. Inside me. I need you to make me feel things I haven't before. I need to hear you say my name, at least once, so I know it's me you're thinking of, if only this once.

I need you to pull my hair, gently but with force. I need to feel you, all of you against me as you thrust. I need you to let me taste myself on you. I need you not to stop, even if I ask you to, because I really don't want you to, its my fear that does, its my insecurity, its my brain thinking about tomorrow, its my memories that want you to, I need you to help me conquer them, I need your touch to erase them. I need you to make me live the moment. I need you to make me orgasm.. and then after a while. I need you to do it again.

So after a while, of thinking of all these things I need. I started thinking of everything I wanted. Honestly, all I want is to have all of the above, with the right man, not just with any man, because I think, I couldn't have all I need with any man. Yes, any man can do all of that, maybe even more. It's that one man though, that will make me want all those things. Yes, I need them, I will not sit here and deny that I have deprived myself of it, it hasn't been on purpose. None of it. I want to want them. Right now, I don't. Yes, things excite me every now and then, but then my worst enemy (myself) quickly steps in and makes those desires go away. So while I need to feel, I also need to want...

Hopefully ... it happens...hopefully I can want what I need.

... chelitta