First time for everything...

I don't know what to do!

For the first time in my life...I have no idea what to do.

There is just so much at stake. I have tried to disconnect myself from everything and I still cant figure out what to do.

I wish...that someone or something would enlighten my road right now...I have asked the universe for signs, messages anything that would help me...and all I get is either weird things happening or silence.

The road where I was left has run out...and I am standing at the end of it...holding my daughters hand...looking at her, and trying to think of what to do...and she is still to little to say ..mami ..lets go this way...instead..she is looking at me ...like..I'm ready to go and do whatever you want.

I look back and see the road that i have traveled and it is a long treacherous one. It caused me much pain, much much more than happiness, I look back and see how many people I have left behind...and  how many are still standing next to me, to support me, to be there...and follow me no matter what direction I choose to take...

The problem is....

I don't know...and Its killing me inside, because, time, money, health and possibly even love are all at stake...I have everything to lose...but at the same time I have everything to gain...its easier when you have nothing to lose ..

So for the past 3 days ...I have woken up, taken a shower, gone to work, come home, made dinner, and gone to bed...all in that order...trying to make sense of why me...out of all the people in the world ..why am I the one stuck being "Murphy's Law". WHY? Is this a test? To see how strong I can be? To check if I am ready for evolution? I think I have been through so many things I have proved myself one too many times...

My heart, my body, my soul, and even worse, my brain...cant take this anymore...I wish...someone, something, anything at this point would point me in the direction I should go..just point...I will make my road, I will do the shoveling and paving...but I just need to know where to go...I don't have much more time...but most importantly... my daughter is waiting....

...chelitta