My Christmas Wish

NO!! This year it's not a man. Seriously...I am ok being alone for a while. Even though it hurts and I sometimes get all Emo about it...I am ok, not having anyone to give all this love I have within me to anybody. I learned my lesson this year, I am not going to go around giving my love to anybody. My heart will remain frozen until someone comes along and melts all the ice away. PERIOD.

Its not money either...although the last half of this year has been aweful and I wished I had married into a rich family or that I had won the lottery I dont want money either. It just changes people and makes them forget where they came from. I want to go into a store and look for the deals, look for the cheapo stuff, and not just walk in and say I want this and not even look at the price. I want people to see me in nice clothes and compliment and me able to think to myself it was on clearance. I enjoy the clearance rack far too much...to just leave it.

Its not the latest gadget out in the market. Although I have become more and more friendly with the damn iPad ... I still enjoy living in a cave. I like to know that the phone is just a phone and that its used to call people and not to check mail, and update statuses...I like reading a book and feeling the pages between my fngers and the smell of the old pages, I wouldn't change that for the world.

I dont even want peace in the world. I can not ask for the world to be fixed if I cant fix myself. There is a reason for everything and all the hate in the world is a product of many many years, broken hearts, and uncompromise. Too much of everything is not good, If there is peace in the world everybody would be all happy and too much happiness is never good, it makes us lose touch with reality.

My Christmas wish ..is STRENGTH...yeap ..thats all. STRENGTH to keep going forward when all I want to do is give up. Strength give my child a better life, to help her through all that she will go through. Strength get up and dust myself off and try again when I fail, because I know I wil. Strength to be a better person and to pick the right road when the time comes to choose one. Strength to hold back the tears when my heart hurts and bleeds, because deep down inside I know that somwhere in the damn universe there has to be someone for me, there just has to be. Strength to accept things that sometimes hurt, strength to be able to get over things I shouldnt fret over. We all get what we deserve, and I must accept that for some reason I wasn't meant to have something others do. Strength to guide my daughter and show her that the world is a beautiful place...despite all the angry resentful people....

*SIGH*

Will I get my wish?..I didn't last year...only time will tell...

Happy Holidays!!

...chelitta